Sweet Home Alabama: I do believe the child will have Jew hair

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I do believe the child will have Jew hair

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Funny things my kids have said

> I don't like these pants because they have long sleeves.

> I want to get a tattoo on my arm when I'm big & not Jewish anymore.

> Can I look at the meditations, 'cause I'm not really feelin' it.

> I don't want to grow up, Mommy.

> My favorite thing we did this weekend was pass gas.

> Mommy, she's complaining when she's talking.

> I have a fever cause I ate too much candy.

> I want to get a too much sugar drink.

> I want a pink car, Mommy.

> I'm sad.

> Shirts are for boys.

> Can alligators drink the bath water?

> Why are you and Daddy always TALKING?

> Why isn't God getting out of the sky?

> The moon is a circle shape.

> We don't EAT animals!

> I am NOT a Jewish girl, I'm a PRINCESS! (Isn't that the same thing?)

> When you suck on red, it turns into pink. Unless its an M&M, then it turns into brown.

> I want you to call Santa Claus on your phone. RIGHT NOW.

> Say YES, Mommy, say YES.

> My bottom is bubbly.

> Mommy, I can't go to school anymore - I'm watching MORE movies.

> Mommy, when I grow up, I'm not gonna have boobies.

> When I get big, I'm gonna be a princess & I'm gonna get Daddy to be a prince.

> When is the cheese gonna pop out of the moon and into my hand and I eat it all up - ahhggm?

> Mommy, I can't see my eyes.

> I want to be tiny forever, 'cause I won't hold you when I'm big.

> My hair turns to black when its wet.

> Moses lives in the commandments.

> I want glass slippers like Cinderella.

> Twinkle, Twinkle little poo poo.

> People be a rock star when they play drums.

> Do birdies have hands? Well, they can pretend their wings are hands.

> Do you say excuse me when you poop?

> I don't want my teeth to get any bigger 'cause then they'll fall out.

> What color is the wind?

> Mommy, your brown eyes are the same like my brown eyes.

> If you suck on a red skittle it turns pink and then you eat it.

> Does Ariel have a mom?

> Animals don't talk, Mommy.

> When asked: How did you get so dirty? - I got dirty from dirt.

> Mommy, are you MEDIUM?

> What's under the grass?

> Mommy - I hug you and I kiss you - that means "I love you."

> Mommy, your legs are scratchy. But you don't have sharks on your face.

> 06/09/09 - What do flowers be when it's nighttime?

> 06/09/09 - How do you make green when you close your eyes?

> 07/01/09 - Mommy, don't say "umm hmm," say "yes."

> 07/01/09 - Mommy, I don't like it when you say "I don't know."

> 07/01/09 - If we bring Marvin the dog to Disney, we won't be allergic anymore.

> 07/06/09 - Well, I'm always hungry like Sara Crewe (character in The Little Princess).

> 07/07/09 - Mommy, Can you put some more pink, circle sleeve dresses in my closet?

> 07/22/09 - What's inside the grass?

> 07/24/09 - Mommy, you're not nice.

You Know You're a Mom If . . .

... your teenager has a nicer cell phone and iPod than you do (wait... I don't even HAVE an iPod!).
... your child thinks it is ok to eat things off the ground once dropped as long as you "blow on it" first.
... you've ever stuck a pacifier in your mouth to clean it off.
... you've ever retrieved a toy from the toilet.
... you've ever mumbled "your turn" to your spouse at 3:00 a.m. (even though you knew it was really your turn)
... you've ever crawled under a crib at 2 a.m. searching for a pacifier like your life depended on it.
... you've cleaned the baby's face with spit. Or licked your hand and smoothed down her hair.
... you try to skip pages while reading Cinderella for the 42nd time and are caught by your 3-year old.
... you think Caillou is a whiner.
... you search the Internet frantically for 2 weeks looking for the pink, slip on, stretch lace, Converse sneakers with the pink skull on the toe. And your very manly husband helps! (Found them! I LOVE Ebay)
... you never call a pacifier "a pacifier." (Binkie for Sara, Poppy for Anna Lee)
... you let your 3-year old wear a tiara every day. And let her call it a crown. And replace it when it breaks.
... you know the words to "Goodnight Moon" by heart - "In the great green room, there was a telephone, and a red balloon..."
... you know the names of Handy Manny's tools.
... you haven't seen a movie that is NOT animated in a really long time.
... you forget to turn off the "Wee Sing" tape after dropping the toddler off at school and find youself singing along to "Oh My Darling", instead of listening to NPR.
... you 've made Kraft Macaroni & Cheese for dinner. That's it. No vegetables, no meat.
... every time you go to the bathroom your toddler comes with you, hands you the toilet paper, demands to see the contents of the toilet, flushes for you and applauds you.
... you get baby poop on your hands and don't even flinch. Ok. Maybe a little.

Anna Lee-isms

bavin soup = bathing suit
Bim Bam = Rabbi Siegal
bracelets = braces
bunch bob = lunch box
Chik and Dale = Chik-Fil-A
craps = crafts
crunchy or scunscree = scrunchy (hair thingy)
Hallacapoo = Hullabaloo
Hocapontis = Pocahontas
hoobaloop = hoolahoop
lello = yellow
Make-a-pouge = nail polish
Mation-Dal puppies = 101 Dalmations
Namie - Mommy
nibble = nipple (or pimple)
panshoo = shampoo
Peedo = torpedo
scarf = scar
Shema = Shimon
syna-God = synagogue
Winnie A Pook = Winnie the Pooh
woken fairy = wicked fairy (Sleeping Beauty)

Book Reading Count

Jonah ................................. 14
Mickey and the Giant ........... 10
Dumbo ............................... 21
Bible books .......................... 21
Bunny My Honey ...................10
God (Golden Book) ...............11
Cat in the Hat ........................5
The Jungle Book .................... 8
Cinderella .............................50
Sleeping Beauty ....................26
Alef Bet ..................................14
One Morning in Maine .............. 12
The Best Nest ......................... 7
Go Dog Go ............................. 4
Silly Sara ............................... 7
Mulan .................................... 18
Lyle and the Birthday Party .... 2

A few of my FAVORITE things

* My twin
Aveda Hand Relief lotion
Ba-Tampte half sour pickles
Caeser salad at Carrabba's
Cafe Mocha from Starbucks
Chuck T's
Chunky Monkey
Doug Flutie
eBay
Fibonacci
Full Moons
Good Night Moon
Gumby
Half.com
Krispy Kreme Custard Filled
Lee Lee's eyes
My Navy Brooks Brothers jacket
Nanny Baby
NPR
Old Navy
Pez DISPENSERS (the candy sucks)
Price & Yield's Inverse Relationship
R.H. Phillips Night Harvest Chard
Ronnie's curls
Ronnie's dimples
Sara's eyelashes
Sara's hair
SKOR bars
Speed Racer
The Buffalo on Bell Road
The Economist
The Need for Speed
The Thrift store in Alabaster
The Wall Street Journal
Thrill Hill
Time value of money
Twizzlers
Uno's Spinoccoli Pizza
VAULT
Vinny Testaverde

Annoying Ethnic First Names

* rules for qualifying for this list - name must either be an alternate spelling, have an apostrophe, have a capital letter in the middle, or be obviously fabricated
Adagio - student in AL
Almisha - cashier at B.K. in Auburn
Britneigh - comic strip character
D'quarius - student in AL
Daquandre
Dashandria
DeAngela
DeMarcus
Dontae
Drelsharia - student in FL
Drucker - student in FL
E'Leesha
Eboni - ballet student in AL
Irilmoskomazzerella - man arrested for shooting his ex-wife in the parking lot of Prattville Christian Academy
J'Tannica - student in AL
Jakarta - fast food worker in ATL
Janae'
Kameshia
Katinka
L'tisha - student in AL (J'Tannica's cousin)
Le-a (pronounced "Ledasha", because "the dash don't be silent") - from Eric, child attends a school in Livingston Parish, LA
Markeeta - student in FL
Marquise
Rashunsky - Montgomery Advertiser
Sha'Bria - Montgomery Advertiser
Shakini - cashier at Walmart
Shaniqua - student in FL
Shante'
Shaquille
Shatoya - student in FL
Ta'Daja
Tequesta - student in FL

Sweet Home Alabama